Never to Regain
by Anoke
Summary: Sequel to ..To Have Lost.. Trunks thought everything was okay with his father. is it really? did vegeta really change or will he be worse? Can Trunks stop vegeta and make him change for good before everyone he loves leaves? LAST CHAPTER UP!
1. Open Wounds

1**Never to Regain**

**Sequel** to "To Have Lost"

**Note:** Please read "To have lost" before reading the sequel otherwise you will be confused!

**By:** Anoke

**Disclaimers**: I Don't own Dragonball Z Or "Open Wounds " By Skillet

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I thought it was over. I thought my hell was over. He told me everything will be okay! It wasent! How long did it last? My peace? Two weeks! Two weeks we were a normal family! Two weeks my father acted as if he cared! Two weeks! Now! Now it is back to normal! No wait this is beyond normal! This is worse! Worse than it has ever been! They fight! thats all they do is fight! Im just sitting in my room, trying to drowned out the sound of your voice with my music! Of course it's not working I can still hear you! Your screaming for me. I just sit there! I don't make a sound. You come barging into my room screaming with rage

_In the dark with the music on_

_Wishing I was somewhere else_

_Taking all your anger out on me, somebody help_

_I would rather rot alone_

_Then spend a minute with you_

_I'm gone, I'm gone_

"You heared me calling you damnit!" he screams while grabbing me by the collar

"Let me go!" I scream

I wont take it! Before I messed things up I thought my father hated me! I just want things back to normal! I want my father to barley even notice me! I want my mother to be worry free and loving, I want my little sister to be able to run around and be a little kid! Now.. I messed up big time! Things were fine for the first two weeks... my father started to acted the way he did before I left. I got mad! I yelled I screamed! In otherwords I had a hissy fit.. But before.. He would just yell and scream back at me.. That time he took it to the next step...

_And you can't stop me from falling apart_

_'Cause my self-destruction is all your fault_

my father doesnt beat me! He just smacks me around.. Some might say its the same thing.. Abuse.. You get hit its abuse.. But thats not it! My father just smackes me a couple times when I scream at him.. Abuse would be diffrent.. Wouldnt it? Is it the same? Getting hit for no reason... I learned real quick not to talk back to my father, he changed.. He changed big time.. The result of me running away, confronting him, it made him bitter, it made him angry.. He yells at my mother and sister also.. It's so unlike him! Usually I get yelled at and punished.. Bulla is the little Princess.. She cant do anything wrong.. Or atleast thats what I thought.. My father tells me how much he hates me.. But then after all is said and done.. After I cover my wounds that he had given me.. He tells me how much he loves me.. How could he hate me? How could he love me?..

_How could you, how could you, how could you hate me?_

_When all I ever wanted to be was you?_

_How could you, how could you, how could you love me?_

_When all you ever gave me were open wounds?_

Finally after he smacked me around a little bit he went down stairs and fell asleep.. He was watching some program about children that disobey their parents.. I wanted to blast the TV.. He doesnt need any inspiration.. He's doing just fine on his own with the punishment part.. He never hit me like this before.. Before it was a punishment.. I did nothing wrong this time.. Yes I should have listened and came when he called.. But would the out come be any diffrent?

_Downstairs the enemy sleeps_

_Leaving the TV on_

_Watching all the dreams we had turn into static_

_Doesn't matter what I do_

_Nothing's gonna change_

_I'm never good enough_

He tells me he is going to stop me from doing this to myself.. Doing what? I asked the same question.. He says everything around me is falling apart. Its not my fault! It's his doesnt he see that? He says my training is being affected by something.. Even my grades are falling, im not getting enough sleep.. I cant take it! He wonders why im falling apart! When I do bad in training he hits me! When my mom complains about my grades he hits me.. When I say one word wrong he hits me!

_And you can't stop me from falling apart_

_'Cause my self-destruction is all your fault_

Im in my bed getting ready to fall alseep, when I hear someone coming up the stairs, heading my way.. The door creeps open

"Trunks..?" my father asks

"Yes father?" asking but already knowing what is going to happen

"about tonight.. Im.. Im sorry you know I don't hate you.. I do ..I do love you.. Remember our talk" he tells me

"Yeah dad I know.. I love you to.." I tell him

He always says that.. "remember our talk" .. Our talk.. Ha! That conversation died! He says he loves me! He says he hates me! He tells me to remember! Remember what? The way he treated me before our little talk? Or remember the two weeks he treated me as a human being?.. or how about remember all the times I've had to cover my bruises? I know he doesnt mean it.. But im just sounding like some of those depressed kid's who's dad hits them.. Am I? Am I a depressed kid who's dad hits him?

_How could you, how could you, how could you hate me?_

_When all I ever wanted to be was you?_

_How could you, how could you, how could you love me?_

_When all you ever gave me were open wounds?_

When I left home I left home for a reason.. I hated the way I was treated, I was promised it was going to change! It changed for a little while but something much worse came and happened and I don't like it! I hate it! I tell my self not to give up! To keep up a fair fight with him but it hurts! The words he says! His fists pounding down on me! It hurts! I want things to just be the same!

_Tell me why you broke me down and betrayed my trust in you_

_I'm not giving up, giving in when will this war end?_

_When will it end?_

When will it end? Will it end up with my death? Would my father take it that far? Would he hit me so bad, curse me so much that it killed me? Could he do that to his own son? I remember when I was younger.. How all I wanted to be was him, he was so strong.. Now.. Yes he is strong but he takes it out on me, his hate for me, his hate for anyone he takes out on me.. I want it to stop I want this war with my father to stop!

_You can't stop me from falling apart, _

_You can't stop me from falling apart, _

_You can't stop me from falling apart, _

_'Cause my self-destruction is all your fault._

I want to scream at him.. He is just staring at me.. I want to scream and yell and tell him how it hurts how everything he does to me hurts. I want to yell and ask why he does it! Why he enjoys making me feel pain!

"No...I wont" I tell him in a whisper

"What was that?" he asks starting to get angry

"You heared me! I wont remember! I cant! I cant remember what barley happened! You probably just told me that to make me stay so I can be your punching bag!" I yell

"Thats it!" he yells

"No thats it for you!" I yell back

_How could you, how could you, how could you hate me?_

_When all I ever wanted to be was you?_

_How could you, how could you, how could you love me?_

_When all you ever gave me were open wounds?_

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**Please Read!**

Okay.. Now I know I took a diffrent approach with the sequel.. No I don't plan on making vegeta a evil ass that beats up trunks 24/7 I just had to work this in with the story to get my point accrosed .. I enjoy writing song fictions.. And I hope you enjoy the sequel to "To have lost" I will update as soon as possible.. I have school so I don't know when that will be maybe only 3 or 4 times a week I can update.. Plus I am working on the sequel to "Trunks's Mysteries Day"

**Please Review**

Anoke


	2. Torn

**Never to Regain**

**Sequel to** "To Have Lost"

**Note**: Please read "To have lost" before reading the sequel otherwise you will be confused!

**By: **Anoke

**Disclaimers: **I Don't own Dragonball Z **Or** "Torn " By Creed

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"Im sick of the way you treat of like crap!" I scream

"Did you suddenly forget that I am your father?" my father asks in a calm voice

"...forget? Ha! I wish I could forget! I wish I could have never met this side of you! You have so much hate bottled up inside of you! I have the same hate inside of me every time you hit me! Every time my mother cries because of you! Every time my sister is sad I have that same hate! And you ask if I forgot that you were my father? Why because I talk defiant towards you? You don't deserve respect!" I scream

_Peace is what they tell me_

_Love am I unholy_

_Lies are what they tell me_

_Despise you that control me_

"I don't deserve your respect? Now that is funny son.." my father replies

"Agh! Why are you being so calm about this?" I scream

"I don't know what you are talking about! You say I don't deserve respect. What makes you think you deserve it? You scream at your father you make your mother sad and angry.." my father tells me

"Me? Your saying I make mom sad and angry? Now thats a joke!" I yell

I cant believe he is actually saying this to me! He is saying I am the reason for all of this! He is the one that smacks me around and makes the hole family and everyone around him feel like a piece of trash! And what is his reasons for it? Why does he make my mother and sister cry? I wouldnt mind so much if he just smacked me around.. But he yells at my mother what if he takes it to the next step and hits her? What if he hurts my little sister? He says its because of me.. Is it? Did I cause this by running away? No I couldnt have! It was all taken care of! We had the perfect life! Is their a perfect life? Or is it just a mask of the deep hatred that lies within us?

_The peace is dead in my soul_

_I have blamed the reasons for_

_My intentions poor_

_Yes I'm the one who_

_The only one who_

_Would carry on this far_

You told me stories, you tell me to remember what we said, you told me that was our special moment that no one can take away from us. You were wrong! You took it away from us! You took whatever peace and love we had and killed it! You are slowly but surely killing us on the inside! You say your sorry for your actions! You say it will never happen again! I believed you for the simple fact that I love you and that is what I wanted to believe! But it is wrong! Your not sorry! You just use "our special moment" to get out of what you did! To make up for it! When you scream and yell at my mother, you bring her candy and flowers, you try to make it better! When you scream at little bulla, you buy her a new toy and tell her you love her! When you hit me you say your sorry! Sorry wont make the pain go away! Sorry wont make the scars fade away! Your words! Your lies! They all mean the same!

_Torn, I'm filthy_

_Born in my own misery_

_Stole all that you gave me_

_Control you claim you save me_

You say you're the boss! Your in charge! You control me! You cant just bark around orders and expect everyone to jump like dogs! We are people! Human beings! Yes me and bulla are half sayian so you think we should be able to handle it and not be so fragile... WE ARE JUST KIDS! You say its my fault as you scream at me! What did I do to you? I may have done wrong when I ran away but that was over with! We talked about it! I was punished! It's like everyone is being punished for no reason! Dad just gets mad! But he cant expect everything to be okay afterwards! He cant expect. To hit me and scream and curse at me and then later that night be one big happy family! I wont let him! I wont!

_The peace is dead in my soul_

_I have blamed the reasons for_

_My intentions poor_

_Yes I'm the one who_

_The only one who_

_Would carry on this far _

Everyone tells me to enjoy the peace! What peace? Everyone thinks everything is alright! They don't know! They don't know how much I get yelled and screamed at! They don't know how many bruises I hide under neath my clothes! They don't know! They wont know! When I get mad everyone assumes its just me having another one of my hissy fits! I havent even told my best friend how my father acts... why you ask? Why do I hide it and let him keep on doing it?.. I don't believe it is my father doing it! It cant be I know my father! He would never scream at my mother the way he does! He would never yell at bulla as much as he does! He would never give me bruises the way he does! He would never treat us like this and expect forgiveness! My father may be proud, strict and emotionless but he was never a cold, heartless, abusive father!

_Peace in my head_

_Love in my head_

_Lies lies lies lies in my head._

Im sick of the lies! Im sick of the im sorry's! Im sick of you hitting me and screaming at me and then pretending nothing happened! Im sick of lying! Im sick of having to cover myself! I shouldnt have to! I don't want to scream at you! I don't think it's your fault! But am I just doing the same thing over and over again? Pretending it is not as serious as I know it is? I know abuse is a big deal but I don't think it has gone that far! I know it may seem that way but it's not! My father can be nice.. When he wants to be! I don't care if he hits me, beats me, screams at me, curses at me! I just don't want my mother and sister to suffer for anything that I have done!

_The peace is dead in my soul_

_I have blamed the reasons for_

_My intentions poor_

_Yes I'm the one who_

_The only one who_

_Would carry on this far_

"Yes.. Im telling you that you are the screw up! That you mess up! That this is your fault!" my father screams

"My fault? Ha! You are the one that yells and screams all day for no reason! We just sit by and let you have your tantrum!" I say with satisfaction in my voice

"A tantrum? heh.. Thats funny! You're the one having a hissy fit anytime you get punished! You think everything is about you! I give you one spanking and you think I abuse you!" my father tells me

"A spanking? Is that what you think you did? Look at this! Does this look like a spanking to you?" I say while removing my shirt

"You just got in the way brat! If you learned how to listen that wouldnt happen!" he yells

"If I learn how to listen? Thats funny! You hit me for no good reason! And I've had enough!" I scream

_The peace is dead in my soul_

_I have blamed the reasons for_

_My intentions poor_

_Yes I'm the one who_

_The only one who_

_Would carry on this far_

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**Please Read!**

Alright.. I will explain in later chapters why vegeta hits trunks and all that.. So no flaming saying "omg you hate vegeta your evil blah blah blah"... I like Vegeta he is my 2nd fav character.. But in order to make this story good vegeta has to be a jerk for a couple chapters.. So hang in there!

**Please Review**

**I BEG YOU TO REVIEW!**

**Anoke**


	3. Falling Apart

**Never to Regain**

**Sequel **to "To Have Lost"

**Note:** Please read "To have lost" before reading the sequel otherwise you will be confused!

**By:** Anoke

**Disclaimers:** I Don't own Dragonball Z **Or **"Falling Apart " By Trust Company

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I cant believe what he just said! If I would just listen.. That all of this was my fault.. How could it be my fault? All I have done my entire life was try to be like him! To make him proud that I am his son! And ... and all of it! All of it was just wasted! All those days I trained extra hard! All those times I told him I loved him! Helped him out! I shouldnt be the one to get my father out of trouble! Thats his job! ... it's his job to worry when his children are scared! He's not suppose to laugh and say how weak we are! We are just children! Doesnt he get that?

_I slipped away further from you _

_trying to find what is real,_

_You're somebody else _

_that I never knew, _

_and someone that I can't feel._

I've changed a lot over these years... when I was younger that is all I ever thought about.. Was having a dad that cared.. I wished so much that you could act just a little bit like Goku! I wished I had Goten's life! It seemed so perfect! Not a care in the world! He knew his fathers feelings for him! As I got older I still wanted my fathers love and approval.. But I soon realized I would never get it! Maybe deep in his heart he loved me and is just to proud to show it! ... Now.. Now after all he has done, after everything he caused! How he makes my mother cry herself to sleep, how he makes my little sister wonder why he hates her.. How he hits me.. And says its my fault.. Now I could careless if he cared! I love my father but im not going to waste my time of day to try and get him to love or care for me!

_I shut it away I keep it in me. _

_Is this what it takes to keep me alive?_

_So you take me and you break me, _

_and you see I'm falling apart._

_Complicate me and forsake me,_

_you push me out so far,_

_there's no other feeling._

You just lie.. You tell us you love us one day.. But the next your cold words turn everything around.. If we were to die in one day would you care? Would you care if I died right here where I stand? Would you cry? Would you be sad? Or would you just say what a stupid brat?.. Before all of this happened I believed you could change.. I was right .. You did change but not the way I thought you would! You became a evil cold man.. Yes you were that before all of this started but you never were as low to beat your own child! To make your little girl cry! You were never such a weak coward..

_I slipped away closer to me_

_the only thing that is real._

_I'm falling behind and now _

_I can see your absence helps me heal._

I've tried to think of reasons why you do it.. Why you act this way towards your family that has only loved and honored you.. No reasons come to mind unless you hate us.. You think of us as your burdens .. Your regrets.. You could have left planet earth when you came.. You could have been a strong warrior of the galaxy ... but then you met mom.. You never admitted that you loved her.. But it showed when I was born.. How could you not love her? She was beautiful.. And now she had given you a son of your own.. A little boy you could love, and teach to be a strong warrior like yourself.. After many years you still could have left.. You could have left anytime you wanted.. But I believed you stayed because you loved us.. Then mom had baby Bulla.. You could tell you loved her.. We were a great happy family.. But then I got sick of the way you treated me.. I thought I was alone.. I thought no one understood me.. I found out I was wrong! I tried to make things better but I made them worse.. Is this my fault? The way you treat us? The way you regret staying? Is it my fault?

_I shoved you away I keep you for me._

_Is this what it takes to keep me alive?_

_So you take me and you break me,_

_and you see I'm falling apart._

_Complicate me and forsake me, _

_you push me out so far; there's no other feeling. _

No! I never drove you to beat me! I never drove you to yell and scream and break my mothers heart! You did that on your own! Not me! You did it! You have to grow up and take responsibility for what you did! For what your doing! I took the responsibility when I ran away! I maned up! I said I was sorry! I told you I would never leave again! You also said sorry! You said you would never treat me like that again! You lied! I kept my promise! Im still here! Even after all you put me through im still here! Why am I still here? I hate the way you hit me and scream at me! But if I leave who will you have to take your anger out on? My little sister? I wont let you! I wont let you hurt her or my mother! I wont..! that is why im still here! But I still have to fix what has been done! I cant stay and live like this! Eventually I will leave! Not out of rage or anger but because I would be an adult.. I don't want to leave when things are like this! I wont leave when things are like this!

_Spread, Spread out._

_So you take me and you break me, _

_and you see I'm falling apart._

_Complicate me and forsake me,_

_you push me out so far._

_And you take me and you break me,_

_and you see I'm falling apart._

_There's no more feeling_

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**Please Read!**

3rd chapter to the sequel! Yay! I hope your liking it so far! Vegeta wont be a evil jerk for the whole story.. But he will be for awhile longer.. And in later chapters you'll understand why vegeta is acting like this..

**Please Review**

**I BEG YOU TO REVIEW!**

**Anoke**


	4. Step to me

**Never to Regain**

**Sequel **to "To Have Lost"

**Note:** Please read "To have lost" before reading the sequel otherwise you will be confused!

**By:** Anoke

**Disclaimers:** I Don't own Dragonball Z **Or **"Step to me " By Thousand foot krutch

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Im sick of this! If he thinks this is going to stay the same he is out of his mind! I wont let this stay the same! Im changing things here and now! You tell me to listen! You say your in charge! Well guess what now its your turn to listen! I don't care if you are my father, I don't care if you are in charge! I don't care what you try. What you need to know is it ends now!

_I've been as far as you can go _

_I've learned a lot and now I know _

_You're never gonna get me on the floor again _

_I'm prepared to take you to the end _

_Never gonna play your games again _

_Bring your whole team and all your friends _

_But I hope your listenin'_

"Listen to me!" I scream

"Listen to you? Why should I?" My father asks

"Why should you? You should for the simple fact that if you don't you could lose your family for good!" I scream

"Oh really? Well then go ahead be my guest." he says

"...This has to stop dad, I love you I really do! We all love you.. But we cant live like this! We cant live with you doing this! You yell for no reason! You hit me for no reason and then apologize for it afterwords! We cant do this!" I say with tears running down my face

_Haunt me if you want me _

_But I'll warn you _

_If you ever step to me _

"I do not sort! "" my father screams

"No sort? Ha! What were you going to do to me dad?"" I say below my breath

"... I was going to give you a well deserved belting.."" my father replies

"Well deserved, ha! Don't make me laugh!"" I say

"Make you laugh? Now thats funny, you're the one here making a big deal about a punishment!"" dad says

_I sometimes wish that I could fly _

_Hold me tight in your arms tonight _

_Sick of livin' inside a lie, alright _

_I can't count the times I've tried _

_Stand alone just to lift you high _

_You're my answer to the question why_

im sick of living like this! Before I thought I was a prisoner, I thought my life couldnt get any worse than it was. I ran away for a little while.. My father had me come back, he told me he loved me! He told me everything would be okay!.. before I felt sorry for myself.. Now I feel even worse for myself.. I made things ten times worse than it was.. But should I really be blaming myself for all of this? Did my leaving make my father do this? How could it? I can back we made our peace.. That should be enough!

_I'm sick of letting you control _

_The places that I go _

_I'm never giving into you again _

_Take, take another look at me _

_And tell me what you see _

_All of these kats tryin' to get under my skin _

_But they can't step over me _

_You try to control me _

_But ya can't hold me _

_You don't own me _

_If you ever step to me _

I want him to stop and look at me! Really look at me.. I want to know what he see's .. Does he see his loving son that cares and admires him! That wants to be just like him? Does he see that? Or does he see his human punching bag that does nothing right? I would really like to know that... what am I to him? What is my mother to him? He she just his slave? Does he think that he is on planet vegeta. Where everyone has to listen and obey his every wish? Does he really believe that? Does he think his children are his property? Yes.. In some way we are his property.. But not in the way im saying.. I mean does he think he can control us, demand things from us, and then just punish us? Does he think thats all his children are good for?

_I sometimes wish that I could fly _

_Hold me tight in your arms tonight _

_Sick of livin' inside a lie, alright _

_I can't count the times I've tried _

_Stand alone just to lift you high _

_You're my answer to the question why _

Sometimes I wish I could just fly out of here.. I did that once I just left.. It didnt turn out to well.. My result is my hell that I am living in.. This is my all time punishment.. I've took my punishment from time to time.. I never complained.. But I never thought he beat me.. I never thought a father could do this to his own child.. I guess I was wrong

_I know it's not me _

_Take a look inside me _

_I'm sick of these ways _

_So sick of these games _

_Couldn't see it til I multiplied you _

_Call me a freak _

_But I don't hear the words you speak _

_I'm takin' control _

_Just lettin' you know _

_That I won't get sucked in by you _

You yell, you scream, you shout it to the top of your lungs what a disgrace I am to you, what a failure I am to you, what a burden I am, why am I those things to you? What did I do wrong? Why do you ask this way? Lately I've been hearing my little sister crying at night, she cries for me.. She cries when my father yells, she cries when he screams and hits me.. She cries herself to sle ep.. I don't want my precious little sister to cry! I don't want her to feel pain, sorrow, or hurt! I want her to be happy! And joyful!

_I sometimes wish that I could fly _

_Hold me tight in your arms tonight _

_Sick of livin' inside a lie, alright _

_I can't count the times I've tried _

_Stand alone just to lift you high _

_You're my answer to the question why_

"I just want things back to normal!" I cry out

"Normal? And what would be normal son?"" my father asks

"Back to the way things were!"" I scream

"Oh you want things back to normal eh? "" my father says with a evil smirk

_Haunt me if you want me _

_But I'll warn you _

_If you ever step to me_

"Daa.d...da.d...dad don't!"please!"" I plead

"Come here!" he screams

... he hits me so hard it all goes black

_Again, you try to control me _

_But ya can't hold me _

_You don't own me _

_If you ever step to me_

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**Please Read!**

4th to the sequel! Yay .. Sorry for the delayed chapter.. School comes first.. But I try to update atleast 1 or 2 times a week! I promise! Saturdays I might update 2 times in one day..

**Please Review**

**Anoke**


	5. Take Me

**Never to Regain**

**Sequel** to "To Have Lost"

**Note:** Please read "To have lost" before reading the sequel otherwise you will be confused!

**By:** Anoke

**Disclaimers:** I Don't own Dragonball Z Or "FTake me " By Papa Roach

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I wake up in the infirmary in capsule corp, i cant move! it hurts so bad! i look around trying to find anyone to tell me what happened.. all i remember is talking to my dad and... oh yeah.. he did this... of course.. he did it.. he was mad.. thats all i shouldnt have pushed him!... why am i doing this again? why am i covering for him?.. just then my mother walks into the room

"oh good Trunks your awake!" my mother says cheerfully

"Yeah..." i say

"oh Trunks dont be so down" my mother says

"Dont be so down? mom have you looked at me?" i ask her

"Yes.. i have dear.. im sorry for what happened but.. what could i have done sweetie?"

"no.. mom i wasnet suggesting... i ... im sorry" i say giving in

"it's okay dearest" my mom says

_Take me and let me in_

_Don't break me and shut me out _

_So take me and let me in_

_Don't break me and shut me out ._

It has been a week since my father put me in the hospital, ... i just got out a day ago.. he beat me so hard.. im suprised he didnt kill me.. im falling apart now, i just only seem to make things worse! before i ran away my father just abused me with his words! then he started to hit me! but not very often! now.. now he hits me everynight! it hurts! he tells me if i say anything to anyone i'll die.. would death be better than this? why is he doing this to me?.. why?.. what did i do to deserve this? im just a kid!.. im afriad im really afraid.. what if my father does kill me one of these days? i thought i could make him change but i cant! why do i keep trying! all it does is make him hit me harder! why cant i learn!

_I lit my pain on fire_

_And I watched it all burn down_

_Now I'm dancing in the ashes_

_And theres no one else around_

_Cause I wanna be apart of something_

_This is just a story of a broken soul _

Im sad all the time.. im depressed.. i have no feeling.. i wake up in the morning.. depressed.. i go to sleep depressed and bruised... hurt.. ashamed.. my father makes me train.. he makes me work harder than i worked before.. if i dont he hits me.. if i do he hits me.. whats the point in doing what he says.. actually why do i bother asking that question.. i know the reason why.. if i dont listen he will beat me half dead.. if i listen.. he will only hit me.. but still my options arnt very good... i dont know what to do! im so confused! i love it when he leaves! i love it! he isent here to belittle me! to hurt me! to hurt my mother!

_As days go by, my heart grows cold_

_I can't seem to let this all pass me by._

It hurts to know the only thing keeping me alive is listen and obeying what my father says.. knowing that he can kill me at anytime, for no reason.. it hurts! it hurts going out someplace and seeing little kids having fun with their father, being happy, knowing they are loved.. it hurts seeing that knowing i once had that! i once had my father that loved me! now i messed everything up! why do i keep doing that? why do i keep messing things up, why do i keep making things worse for myself?

_So take me and let me in_

_Don't break me and shut me out _

_So take me and let me in_

_Don't break me and shut me out _

He beats me, he smacks around my mother, i hate it when he does that! he just started... when i try to stop him he hits me! i dont care though i wont let him hurt my mother!.. or atleast i will try not to!... at first when he started to smack my mother around i would come in between him, but.. now he locks my away so i cant stop him, he says she deserves this! why, why does he do this to us? we didnt do anything to him! why does he hate us this much! why wont he just leave.. after awhile i was going to tell someone what my father does.. but now.. now he threatens me with my mother.. he is even starting to threaten me with my sister.. i cant live like this!

_I'm burning in the heavens_

_And I'm drowning in a hell_

_My soul is in a coma_

_And none of my friends can tell_

_That I'm reaching out and getting nothing_

_This is just a story of a broken soul_

Why does my father want us to live like this? why does he make us live like this? why does he hate us so much? what did we ever do to him? why does he act this way? why cant i tell someone why am i to afriad.. im letting everyone down.. im letting my mother, my sister and myself down.. im so ashamed to be me! i hate myself! why must i do this! why cant i just tell the truth! i know what my father says but isent trying better than just giving up? i know it has to be.. but . ..what if i make things worse again? what if does kill my mother because of me?

_As days go by, my heart grows cold_

_I can't seem to let this all pass me by_

_So take me and let me in_

_Don't break me and shut me out_

_So take me and let me in_

_Don't break me and shut me out_

What if he hurts my little sister because of me? it would all be myfault! i cant live with that! i couldnt i couldnt stand knowing it was my fault.. i dont know how i live now! with what my father does to my mother.. before i never undertood how she could just stay in her room and hear me scream for help.. i thought she thought i deserved it.. but now.. i know she couldnt have done anything.. i knew before she couldnt have done anything i just wished she would have tried.. but now .. now i have to be locked away hearing my mother scream in pain! it kills me! how could he do this to his family that has always loved him?

_Don't shut me out_

_Does anyone around me feel the same_

_Put your fist up and vent your pain_

_Does anyone around me feel the same_

_Put your fist up and vent your pain_

_Does anyone around me feel the same_

_Put your fist up and vent your pain_

_Does anyone around me feel the same_

_Put your fist up and vent your pain_

The Pain is just to unreal! i cant stand it when he hits me! it's everyday.. the pain.. the hurt.. everything i just wish it would go away! i scream at night, i try to hold it in but it's hard! i try so my little sister wont be afraid! who am i kidding? i know she is afraid who wouldnt be? she has to sit and listen to me scream for mercy, and then listen to our mother beg our father to stop.. what child wouldnt be afraid? i know i would.. i know i am.. im afraid every day i wake up.. every day i go to sleep.. everytime i look over my shoulder im afraid..

_As days go by, my heart grows cold_

_I can't seem to let this all pass me by_

_So take me and let me in_

_Don't break me and shut me out_

_So take me and let me in_

_Don't break me and shut me out_

_As days go by, my heart grows cold_

_I can't seem to let this all pass me by_

Afraid.. afraid he will come to beat me.. to hurt me.. to give me pain..im afraid i will die ... im afriad for the life of my mother and my little sister.. i wish he would stop.. i wish they wouldnt feel pain because of me..

_Take Me_

_Don't Break Me_

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Please Read!

Yay another chapter up! what do you think? i know Vegeta is being an ass but it will all be explained later on so PLEASE REVIEW and tell me what you think, and if i should continue!

Please Review

Anoke


	6. Never Again

**Never to Regain**

**Sequel **to "To Have Lost"

**Note:** Please read "To have lost" before reading the sequel otherwise you will be confused!

**By:** Anoke

**Disclaimers:** I Don't own Dragonball Z **Or **"Never Again" By Nickleback

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Over the next couple months I've grown to hate my father, I've grown to hate everything about him! Every detail, he drinks a lot, that was never like him! But then of course he was never like this.. He never sunk so low as to hit his own family, he may never had shown it but he cared, he cared for us, he loved us! But now.. He hates us! He enjoys to see us with pain, he enjoys giving us pain! That is why we are always sad, or scared.. Or feel pain! Because of him! He makes us feel this way! I never wanted to hate him! But he's gone to far! He hurts my mother! thats as far as he goes! I wont let him anymore! Im sick of it!..

I hear him screaming at her.. I wonder why.. Actually do I? Does it matter why he is screaming? Will it change anything.. No! No matter what reason he has for hitting my mother I wont accept it! Nothing can make up for what he did! For what he does! Nothing!

_He's drunk again, it's time to fight_

_She must have done something wrong tonight_

_The living room becomes a boxing ring_

_It's time to run when you see him_

_Clenching his hands_

_She's just a woman_

_Never Again_

I should be able to help her! Why cant I help her? Why cant I do anything right? I hear her screaming! I call out to her, she screams for me to go to bed and drowned out the noise.. Before.. Before I was angry that she never tried to help me when my father hit me.. Now.. Now im angry at myself when I cant help her! He locks me away in my room.. So where I cant see him hurting her.. But that doesnt change the fact I can hear her screams.. I can see her bruises.. Why.. Why did I have to push him?

_I hear her scream, from down the hall_

_Amazing she can even talk at all_

_She cries to me, Go back to bed_

_I'm terrified that she'll wind up_

_Dead in his hands, She's just a woman_

_Never Again _

I tell myself everynight I wont let him do it to her again.. I lie to myself.. What can I do? Even if I am free.. All I will be able to do is watch him do it.. What can I do to stop him? Can I fend him off? Will that just lead to my death?.. if I die who will he take most of his anger out on?.. but if I don't try to help her.. Will he kill her? I cant lose my mother.. I already lost my father.. Well that is the way it seems.. My father died.. He died the first time he hit me.. The first time he hurt my mother he died.. This man that hits us and hurts us, that brings us pain.. He is not my father..

_Been there before, but not like this_

_Seen it before, but not like this_

_Never before have I ever_

_Seen it this bad_

_She's just a woman_

_Never Again_

He hit her so bad that night that he put her in the hospital.. He never did that before.. What will she tell people? What will she tell her friends that care and worry about her? What will she tell the doctors and nurses? Will she tell them the truth? Or a lie..? anyone can see he did it.. Or can they? Is it just obvious to me because I know what happens behind our closed doors..? or is everyone just blind to the truth..?

_Just tell the nurse, you slipped and fell_

_It starts to sting as it starts to swell_

_She looks at you, she wants the truth_

_It's right out there in the waiting room_

_With those hands_

_Lookin just as sweet as he can_

_Never Again _

This has happened before but not like this! That just keeps playing through my head! Why is he doing this to us? Why! I want to know! When will he stop? When he kills her? When he kills me? Or will he drive us to our own deaths? We cant escape him! There is no way to! He will find us.. Yes we can go to goku's but he will find us there.. He will find some way to make us pay for leaving.. And I just.. I just couldnt bare what it would be.. I cant! I cant go on though.. Letting this happen! I don't care as much when he does it to me! But when he brings my mother in to it!.. I just want to die!

_Seen it before, but not like this_

_Been there before, but not like this_

_Never before have I ever_

_Seen it this bad_

_She's just a woman_

_Never Again _

Hate is a strong word yes.. But I do I hate him! I wish he was dead! That would make me so happy right now!... who am I kidding I hate the man that hurt me and my mother but I still love my father.. I wish my father could come back and this man could just die!I hate his temper! I hate his smirk I hate his words! I hate him! .. I wish I could kick his ass and show him what it feels like.. But if I did that would I be no better than him..? no! I would be better than him! I don't hit people that don't deserve it!

_Father's a name you haven't earned yet_

_You're just a child with a temper_

_Haven't you heard "Don't hit a lady"?_

_Kickin' your ass would be a pleasure_

He's locked me in my room again.. It's a different night but it's the same, mom said something that made dad mad.. And now.. Now he is beating her again... and tonight it was all my fault.. How you ask? I smarted off to my "father" telling him I was going to tell Goku what he does to us.. What a mistake that was.. He beat me so hard I can barley stand.. But right now im more worried about my mom.. My mother came in and was yelling at him telling him to stop, that I was just messing around.. My "father" yelled at her.. Told her to shut up and stay out of it.. Oh how I wish she would have just listened to him just this once.. He dragged me away to my cage.. And went to go beat her..

_He's drunk again, it's time to fight_

_Same old shit, just on a different night_

_She grabs the gun, she's had enough_

_Tonight she'll find out how fucking_

_Tough is this man_

_Pulls the trigger as fast as she can_

_Never Again_

I hear her screaming, im struggling to get out im banging on the door, yelling screaming at the top of my lungs, I hear some hope my baby sister is outside the door..

"Bulla! I need you to unlock the door!" I tell her

"But trunks.. You cant daddy will" she says

"I know what he will do but I cant let him do this to momma! Please just unlock the door" I plead

"Okay ... " she says giving in

luckily she knows how to pick locks.. You'd think my father would come up with better security to keep me in.. But he was only trying to keep me in.. He never thought someone would try to get me out. Finally I am out, trying to stand I tell my sister to run outback in our secret hiding place, I tell her to stay there until I come get her. She does as I say, I run downstairs to where my father and mother are

"Stop it!" I scream

my father stops, he looks at me, with anger and rage

"Trunks, go back to your room" my mother begs

"No! I wont let him do this to you! Never again will I sit by and let him hurt you!" I scream, trying to keep my balance

"Fine brat you want it then?" my father asks, dropping my mother and walking over towards me

im scared, im frightened, I have no clue what he is going to do to me.. I put my hands up in defense, my father hits me, and hits me and hits me.. I don't think I can take much more of this! It hurts so bad! My mother is screaming for him to stop, he brings his hand up, he forms a energy blast, he brings it to my stomach

"I told you to stay out of the way! This could have been prevented if you would just listen!" my father says

"Dad.. Don't!" I plead

"Vegeta! Please! Don't!" my mother screams as my father fires the energy beam through me, and I fall to the ground.. Motionless

_Seen it before, but not like this_

_Been there before, but not like this_

_Never before have I ever_

_Seen it this bad_

_She's just a woman_

_Never Again_

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**Please Read!**

Okay, I am drawing near to the end only 2 more chapters left! (And in the 2 chapters I will explain why veggie is acting like this..) And yes just so I can clear up some things..

**1.** Yes trunks is really dead and he cant come back with the dragon balls **(why?)** Because I say so** (why?)** Because if he could my other 2 chapters would be pointless.

**2**. In the song it says "**She pulls out a gun**".. Bulma didnt really pull out a gun I just don't want to change the lyrics to the song.

That should clear up any questions, but if you do have any just tell me in a review! And I will be happy to answer

and by the way. I **wont** update until I get alteast 5 reviews on this chapter.. Sorry but I really like reviews so I know how people like it.

**Anoke**


	7. Last Words

**Never to Regain**

**Sequel **to "To Have Lost"

**Note:** Please read "To have lost" before reading the sequel otherwise you will be confused!

**By:** Anoke

**Disclaimers:** I Don't own Dragonball Z **Or **"Last Words" By Thousand foot krutch

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I often think back to that night, I just want to tell them im sorry! I want them to know how much I love them.. I may have lost the one thing that was mine.. But I stood up to him! I made him see atleast.. Or I just made a fool of myself.. And let him win.. No matter how you look at it he won.. I may have tried to stop him! I gave it all I had.. But it wasent enough I still lost my life.. I knew what would happen so did little bulla.. But I had to I couldnt go on just giving in to him! I had to stand up for myself even if I lost my life..

_Dear loved one, please listen _

_This might be the last chance I get _

_I'm sorry I left you _

_I'm living in a world of regret _

_Don't cry if you can hear me _

_I never meant to hurt you dearly _

_I'm so wrong sincerely _

_Don't stop take life seriously_

I sometimes wish I could change what I did, what I tried to do.. It accomplished nothing! All I ended up doing was letting him win our war.. Now, now he can hurt her whenever he wants.. He doesnt have me to be his punching bag, now.. Now that I am gone my mother is his punching bag, it makes me sick! I just want to scream.. I want to tell my mother and sister.. That im sorry! That I love them.. I wish I could tell them I wish I could protect them from the man that is suppose to love them, and be their protecter..

_These are the last words _

_I'm ever gonna get to say to you _

_When everything falls away from you _

_Take these words _

_And know the world is not worth leaving_

I always blamed myself for why dad acted this way, when I left home I blamed myself, I said that was why dad did this.. I hurt you and I hurt bulla in the process.. I was wrong though.. I never made him raise his hand to any of us! He did that! Not me! He is the one that choice to do it! Not me! I shouldnt blame myself.. But on the other hand I need someone to blame.. I need someone to take the fault! I need one thing to keep the love for my father going.. Its amazing.. He hit me, he hit my mother, he took my life.. But yet.. I cant seem to stop caring for him.. I cant stop being the little boy that needs his daddy.. Somewhere in my heart I think my father cares.. I think there is a reason to why he does what he does.. But then there is a part that wants to shove all those feelings away, banish them to the otherworld where I am destined to stay.

_There's so much I've done wrong _

_Since I left it hit me so strong _

_Take my hand and let's walk through _

_All the times I've lied and hurt you _

_Those people, please love them _

_Don't hate them, we're not above them _

_You can have everything, but have nothing _

_Listen I've got to tell you something_

I want my mother and my sister to know.. I tired, everynight I tried to think of a way to set us free of our hell, I tired to think of reasons why the person we loved and cared for turned on us and gave us pure hate.. I never found a reason why he would act like this.. But I still never stopped trying to come up with a reason.. I believe even now there is a reason.. But I also believe I should stop being blind and see him for who he really is.

_These are the last words _

_I'm ever gonna get to say to you _

_When everything falls away from you _

_Take these words _

_And know the world is not worth leaving _

I watch down on my mother and sister, and it makes me cringe, my father is so full of hated, pure hatred it sickens me, he hurts my mother, he makes my little sister cry, he brings them pain.. The funny thing about all of this is goku knew.. Goku knew what my father did, what my father does and he did nothing.. Can I blame him? Did goku think the same thing I did.. That if we stayed with him. My father would find a way to make us pay? Or did he just not care? How could he just sit by and let this happen.. He feels bad now.. I can tell it's eating at him day and night.. He thinks to himself if he just would had did something, anything maybe I would still be alive.. The funny thing about that is.. I often think the same thing.. If I had did something different or said something different if I would still be alive..

_Last words I'll ever really get to say to you _

_So listen very carefully to what I'm saying _

_Life is more than just the games you're playing _

_If there was ever one thing _

_I could ever get across to you _

_I'd tell you not to say the things you do _

_And tell my mother that I love her too _

_And no matter what life pulls ya through (no!) _

_You've got what it takes to make it through _

_And if I was you, I'd get on my knees and pray _

_Thank God in the morning for another day _

_Cause... _

The day of my funeral was sad, even for me.. Its strange sitting up here watching yourself be berried underground for the rest of eternity. It also hurts.. Seeing the face of your mother.. Swollen with tears your little sister thinking it's all her fault.. Thinking if she just would have made me stay in I would still be alive.. Goku wishing he would had done something, anything.. And there is my best friends goten and marron.. There are both crying uncontrollably.. Its sad knowing I will never be able to hang out with them again.. gohan is even sad.. I once thought I had no one in the world to care for me.. But now after I have left this world I can see.. I can see how many people loved me. Cared for me..

_These are the last words _

_I'm ever gonna get to say to you _

_When everything falls away from you _

_Take these words _

_And know the world is not worth leaving_

I look around for my father

_Last words I'll ever really get to say to you _

_So listen very carefully to what I'm saying _

_Life is more than just the games you're playing _

_Life is more than just the games you're playing_

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**Please Read!**

Yay almost the end :D i want to thank everyone for revewing and reading! this is the 2nd to the last chapter, next chappie will be shorter, but it is the end..

**Please review :D**


	8. Perfect

**Never to Regain**

**Sequel **to "To Have Lost"

**Note:** Please read "To have lost" before reading the sequel otherwise you will be confused!

**By:** Anoke

**Disclaimers:** I Don't own Dragonball Z **Or **"Perfect" By Simple Plan

**Note:** Just like in "To Have lost" this is in VEGETA'S POV

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i still cant believe it.. i killed my own son.. everyone tells me its not my fault.. that i didnt mean to.. but still it doesnt matter! My son is dead and can never come back because of my hands.. because of the hatred i had.. at nights i find myself walking into his bedroom, just staring.. wishing that he was there in his bed snuggled under his covers.. but that is just wishful thinking... King kai wont even let me talk to him.. he says it throws off the balance of the living and the dead.. but i dont care! I just want to speak to him! to tell him that im sorry for what i did..

One night when i was woundering in his room i saw a book of Trunks's as i read it.. i hated myself even more.. his words...

_Hey dad look at me_

_Think back and talk to me_

_Did I grow up according to plan?_

_And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?_

_But it hurts when you disapprove all along And now I try hard to make it_

_I just want to make you proud_

_I'm never gonna be good enough for you_

_I can't pretend that_

_I'm alright_

_And you can't change me_

As im reading .. it hurts knowing he felt this way.. knowing it was because of me.. now this.. no one can say wasent my fault.. this is was written before trunks left home.. before any of this started! he wrote this! i sometimes wish i could change what i did, the ways i was.. i wish i could go back to when trunks was just a little boy.. how much i wanted to be a good father but my pride stood in my way.. i swore i would never let that happen again.. but i had so little control over my life i actually was able to be controled.. yes i was being controled by myself but it wasent me! It was a darker side of me!

_'Cuz we lost it all_

_Nothing lasts forever_

_I'm sorry_

_I can't be perfect_

_Now it's just too late and_

_We can't go back_

_I'm sorry_

_I can't be perfect_

_I try not to think_

_About the pain I feel inside_

_Did you know you used to be my hero?_

_All the days you spent with me_

_Now seem so far away_

_And it feels like you don't care anymore_

He says he just wanted to make me proud.. doesnt he know he always made me proud? i still remember the first day i trained trunks.. he was so weak but i was still proud of my little sayian... my son.. he was the first thing i could ever call my own.. i trained him, i made him a strong proud warrior.. but i forgot along the way that he was still just a little boy that needed his father.. i wish i could change what has happened i wish i could just talk to him! just for 5 minutes! 5 minutes is all i would need! i just need him to know that im sorry!

_And now I try hard to make it_

_I just want to make you proud_

_I'm never gonna be good enough for you_

_I can't stand another fight_

_And nothing's alright_

_'Cuz we lost it all_

_Nothing lasts forever_

_I'm sorry_

_I can't be perfect_

_Now it's just too late and_

_We can't go back_

_I'm sorry_

_I can't be perfect_

It sickens me everynight thinking of what i did.. even if i had no idea what i was doing it still doesnt matter.. i never should had made trunks feel bad enough to write this.. i wonder if he was ever going to tell me what he wrote, tell me his true feelings.. would i have listened? would i have cared or would i have been to proud to see that my son needed my just like all the other times i pushed him away.. like all the other times i pushed my family away.. i pushed everyone away.. if i would hve just listened to him.. maybe it would have never came to this.. came to my sons death... knowing that i can never make things right again with him makes me sick.. how i wish i could change places with my dear boy...

i take my family to my sons grave. my daughter brings flowers for her big brother, my wife just cries.. i kneel down beside my daughter, standing in front of trunks's grave.. we read the headstone outloud

**"In loving Memory of Trunks Vegeta Brief, You will always be loved and missed, Rest In Piece"**

_Nothing's gonna change the things that you said_

_Nothing's gonna make this right again_

_Please don't turn your back_

_I can't believe it's hard_

_Just to talk to you_

_But you don't understand_

_'Cuz we lost it all_

_Nothing lasts forever_

_I'm sorry_

_I can't be perfect_

_Now it's just too late and_

_We can't go back_

_I'm sorry_

_I can't be perfect_

_'Cuz we lost it all_

_Nothing lasts forever_

_I'm sorry_

_I can't be perfect_

_Now it's just too late and_

_We can't go back_

_I'm sorry_

_I can't be perfect_

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**Please Read!**

Okay i know weird/short chapter, but its the end.. the end is aways suppose to be short... i hope you enjoyed the Sequel!

Now just to clear things up.. this was in Vegeta's POV, but the song lyrics are suppose to be trunks's words in a journal.

That is all i can see that might confuse people.. if you have any questions go ahead and ask:D

**PLEASE REVIEW! THIS WAS THE LAST CHAPTER I WANT ALOT OF REVIEWS PLEASE!  
**

**Anoke**


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